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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24824782">You won’t hear the punchline</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurukapologist/pseuds/kurukapologist'>kurukapologist</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who &amp; Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, Mentioned The Master, Mentioned The Rani, Thansell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 00:12:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,338</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24824782</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurukapologist/pseuds/kurukapologist</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The end of the universe is coming, whether you like it or not. It’s only a shame Vansell won’t be there to see it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>The Doctor | Theta Sigma (Doctor Who: Academy Era)/Vansell, The Doctor/The Master (background relationship), The Doctor/Vansell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You won’t hear the punchline</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">[LOCATION: THE ACADEMY, GALLIFREY] [NAME: VANSELL]</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Oh Rassilon. Gods, it’s a-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A Dalek. I’m only a kid, don’t hurt me <em>don’t hurt me!</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">I should be learning, I should be learning and becoming a Time Lord and doing all the things children do, not sitting in a war-torn classroom face to not-really-face with one of the mostly deadly creatures in this universe.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">As I’m certain I’m about to be shot, somebody behind me fires a gun, and next thing I know the Dalek is on fire.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Do Daleks scream? Feel pain? Do Daleks beg for mercy?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">I don’t want to know.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">[LOCATION: THE ACADEMY, GALLIFREY] [NAME: VANSELL]</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Everyone ducks under the tables. It’s the logical solution; we’re not safe here. The Daleks are coming.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They weren’t supposed to be this quick. I’m scared, terrified even. They weren’t supposed to be this quick.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">I’m not crying, but others are. I hear someone screaming, another yelling.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey! Guys, where’s Dra-” Theta shouts. He’s cut off by something, though it takes me a minute to realise what.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There’s a moment of silence.</span>
</p><p class="p2">And then the bombs start to fall.</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">[LOCATION: TARDIS REPAIR SHOP, GALLIFREY] [NAME: VANSELL]</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So you’re running away?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The Doctor nods, not facing me. “Do you have a problem with that, hmm?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re just running away so you don’t have to deal with this war.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And what makes you say that?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">I’m not sure how to put this, but I think it’s fairly obvious. “Gods, I hate your guts. You’re a coward and a fool, Doctor.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I am the Doctor.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, I know! That’s your name!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The Doctor sniffs, vanishing inside a Tardis. “Goodbye!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then the Doctor is gone for good.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">[LOCATION: UNIT, EARTH] [NAME: VANSELL]</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Doctor. It has been... some time.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That makes you sound pretentious, dear chap.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Oh, very good. I do love being pretentious. “Have you done anything useful recently, or merely hidden away on this disgusting little ball of dirt hoping you can outrun the Daleks?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Perhaps.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s not funny, Doctor! People are dying, civilisations are falling, the basic structure of the universe is unravelling! Every single thing here is collapsing!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Some other person I don’t care about and will likely never see again taps the Doctor’s shoulder. “Doctor, hurry up, will you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Slow down, Brigadier. It’s not like the world is ending.” Even so, the Doctor’s hand flickers as he pushes the human away.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Reality, it seems, is disillusioned with itself.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">[LOCATION: LOGOPOLIS] [NAME: VANSELL]</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The Doctor is dying, or rather should be dying. The Master is murdering them, or rather should be murdering them.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The Doctor is regenerating and the Master is nowhere to be seen. What did I miss?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The Doctor stands up, next to me, flying between two faces. The older, familiar one, all wide grins and blue eyes and utterly chaotic hair, and the new one. They’re both equally brilliant and beautiful, in different ways.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The Doctor opens their mouth to speak. “What happened to-”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. I don’t know, Doctor. Oh, and by the way, I’m here to warn you-”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The Doctor’s face snaps into a younger, blonder man. “The Daleks are coming,” I finish.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Where’s the Master?” He’s frantic and panicked, all wild eyes and terror. “Vansell, Vansell, where is he?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then he’s the former Doctor, then he’s on his knees, then they’re crying.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And in a timeline far from here, the Master is still alive.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">[LOCATION: KILLINGWORTH, EARTH] [NAME: VANSELL]</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ah, I see you are using a clown’s outfit now. Buffoonery won’t hide the horrors going on around us. Your precious earth is nearly dead.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The Doctor flinches. “Vansell? Again?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, Doctor. It’s me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They hurry over to where I’m standing, and he swallows. “You shouldn’t be here.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Let’s be honest, not should you. Gallifrey is debating removing Earth from this universe. If not, the Daleks or all the monsters eating at time and space will do it for us.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No! Vansell, no, no-” The Doctor spins around. “Wasn’t the Rani just standing here? I could swear...”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">I’m hit by sudden confusion, a splitting pain, and when it resolves itself I can’t remember what just happened.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I... what were we doing?” the Doctor gasps. “I don’t remember.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“See? This is precisely what I’m talking about! With every second you stay here, you are more and more at risk! Somebody just got written straight out of existence and we don’t even know them now!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Rani. It was, it was the Rani.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m just trying to keep you safe, Doctor.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It’s not my fault if he doesn’t listen.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">[LOCATION: SPACE, THE TARDIS] [NAME: VANSELL]</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The Doctor has, by now, seen enough planets dead.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Well, presumably. For all I know they’re a sadist. That would be interesting.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">How to explain to the girl that her planet’s gone.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The Doctor is judging, I think. It’s always hard to tell. “It wasn’t meant to go. Vansell, it - Earth was meant to be safe!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, it was.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you even care? What am I meant to do now?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Professor, what happened to Ear-” The door of the Tardis opens. Presumably she’s seen that her planet is in ashes.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Doctor. Just leave.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No! Where am I meant to take Ace?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Homeless in an unfortunately inescapable way. There’s always Gallifrey.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There’s always Gallifrey. Nobody would dare destroy Gallifrey.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">[LOCATION: THE DOCTOR’S TARDIS] [NAME: VANSELL]</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">I do not think the Doctor is truly seeing me. Or, for that matter-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Anyone. The Doctor, young and bright-eyed at the beginning of his regeneration, is now in ruins.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">I catch his hand phasing out of this dimension. It twists into a paler, older man, hair slicked back and clothes thinner, almost ragged.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then his hand is back, clawing at my arm, desperate to anchor himself. His curly hair frames his face, and then it does not, and suddenly that familiar, old-fashioned Earth jacket is leather and he is old, old, old.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">I’m scared, Doctor, though I doubt you can hear me.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">[LOCATION: NEVERLAND] [NAME: VANSELL]</span>
</p><p class="p2">Right. This is the bit where I die.</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">I didn’t think it would be this easy. I didn’t think I could just give up like this.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">An Earth quote comes to mind. I hate it when that happens.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Do not go gentle into that good night.’ Idiot humans.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This is the bit where I die. The Matrix next, I suppose. I should be scared but I want th</span>
</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">[LOCATION: THE DOCTOR’S TARDIS] [NAME: VANSELL]</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The Doctor shivers, and I suppose I must be a shadow of myself. Almost literally.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Doctor, Gallifrey is back.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No it’s not.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Am I too early? Pre-Time War? His leather jacket and buzz cut aren’t familiar to me.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It is.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, it’s not.” He’s reaching out and straight through me. “No, it’s fucking <em>not!</em> Get away from me, you stupid dead kid!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not a <em>child</em>, Doctor.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You may as well be. And I don’t want my planet back, it’s better off gone.” The Doctor smashes at my machinery, or at least the thing keeping this pale mockery of me here.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">My hologram switches off, for good. He’s probably right.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">[LOCATION: THE DOCTOR’S TARDIS] [NAME: THE DOCTOR]</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">I’m sorry, I didn’t mean, Vansell. I love you I didn’t mean it but there’s not way you can take me back because you’re dead and unburied-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You’re gone now anyway. Look, it was anger, I was in a bad place.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Still am, but that’s not the point. Still am. Stupid ghosts of the past, coming back again and again and again.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">I can’t save anyone. I sent Ace to Gallifrey precisely to protect her, and then I burnt it. I told Vansell to leave me alone, but it doesn’t matter, he still died.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There’s nothing here, except me. The TARDIS. The cold, empty void of a universe burnt up. We’re left here hanging, for all eternity.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Never gonna hear the punchline to this giant cosmic joke. I’m the Last Man Standing, but I’ve got nothing left to stand on.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">I’m so sorry. I don’t have anything to say.</span>
</p><p class="p2">I’m sorry.</p>
  </div></div>
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